I hope you can understand my English, 'cause I'm not a native speaker, I'm a Chilean women that one day found this web page, and that day everything changed, I don't belong to the Gay Community, or in short I'm not gay, but I do belong to the Mormon church, sorry, I used to belong. Not anymore. I got baptized in 1995 when I was 16 years old, hoping to change a life full of tears, I was born in a Catholic family, who really never went to the church, living with a father who constantly hit my mother, a father who used to have many affairs with different women, for that reason I was afraid of marriage,but I found the solution, I had found the "TRUE CHURCH". There I would find the best man in the world, there I could find almost perfection. An ex missionary, with good manners, intelligent, with a Mormon family.
Time passed and BINGO! my stake president called me to be English teacher for the members in town, there I thought I had found what I was looking for. A man who was preparing for going to the mission field, an universitarian just like me, with a strong testimony. I had found the right one. After 4 months of dating, we decided to tell our parents that we were in love, here in Chile things are quite different, first we date, then we "pololeamos", then we get engaged, and finally we get married.
Well, we were pololeando, it was great, we used to go to the church together,
read the scriptures, go out as stake missionaries. After a year I heard that my
boyfiend had gay tendencies, of course I didn't believe. I said to me that he
went to the bishop's office to stop all the commentaries, he told bishop that he
was in love with me and he wanted to marry me one day, he went there to ask for
respect. All of the sudden things went wrong, but we overwelmed the problems and one day he asked me to marry him, of course I said yes, I was so happy because I always wanted to marry in the holy temple, but because we were at university we decided to wait for one year and a half more.Then we practically abandoned church, because we had started our sexual life.
My guilty was so heavy, I wanted to talk to the bishop, but I didn�' trust him,so
I remember being crying all night long, feeling ashamed of making love.
After certain amount of time, I discovered that my fiance had a friend who I
never met, I also knew that some times my boyfiend didn't sleep at his apartment, I felt weird because I knew that something wrong was happening but I didn't want to ask him. I couldn't face what I had knew. In March 2000 I discovered that I was pregnant I told him and he hit me, arguing that I wanted to take out his freedom, he told that I prepare a plan to oblige him to stay with me.
I wanted to die, suicide was the best solution but I had a new life growing
inside of me so I stopped thinking about that. He invented many things about me for that reason I lost my job, i am a high school teacher, he went to talk to the principal and told him that I was pregant of an American missionary (he was a good friend of mine), also he told the principal that I used to go out and get drunk, that I used to smoke and that I had stolen a credit card from him. That was ridiculous understanding that I earned a higher salary than him. He never appeared again.When I was 6 months of pregancy his parents came to my house asking for money because according to what he had said I had stolen his credit card. My parents sent them out. My mother supported me a lot, and she still does I thought in coming back to the church but I knew that a single mother is not a good example for mormon and pure girls.
My baby was born on December 11th 2003, with almost 3 pounds,with a sad face because he lived with me all this difficult road, but now he is fat, healthy and cute.
Of course I hated my boyfriend, thinking that he destroyed my life, but two days
ago I found this page and read the first story, believe me, I found myself crying
like a child. Reading the Book of Mormon didn't help to cure my heart, going to
the bishop neither, nor even talking to the missionaries. This page healed me.
Now I understood why he did what he did, I understood his suffering, many of his acts are described here, now I know that he was gay and three months ago I confirmed it, his friend is his boyfriend I know that his attitude was not the right one, that he almost break down my heart and left my son and me alone.
The first story shows clearly how a Mormon gay lives a constant suffering
struggling how to survive, how to face life day after day.I remembered how many times he wanted to leave me out of his life and I fixed everything crying. Whose guilt? I don't know but the church didn't help if they say men to try to be
heterosexual, gays can not be straight, they are gay. A beautiful Mormon woman won't change that. I couldn't change that I understood that I forgive him, I truly forgive him. I recovered I'm happy next to my child, even though he doesn't know he gave me the most beautiful gift I HAD EVER RECEIVED, my son.
Thank you to the creators of this web page, my heart doesn't feel hate, now I
feel really free. Your words save me. Thank you